f Notes from the Underground: fall from innocence
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Monday, December 29, 2008

fall from innocence

There is always madness in love, where there is always reason in madness. In this hour of calm indifference I confer upon my reader all that irritates me, as well as is known to inspire me. The intricacies of love and friendship are well known to me by the time I write this and, as it seems, my experience of both will grow exponentially in future. The thought which bothers me most of all is that at my tender age I have unearthed the mysteries that cloud many young minds. All beauty and treasure of love and friendship lie in its premature occurrence – that occurred a long time ago. I do not write this contended with my knowledge as an experienced lover of my time, rather this knowledge of Cupid's flowery and thorny labyrinth makes me feel loss of something profoundly beautiful.

A man is a hideous, yet artful, amalgamation of ape and angel. When I review my years I notice nothing but extremes of both – my early years were exemplary angelic contrary to my later beastly years of youth. I wish not to hide any crimes or to add virtues, if there are some few superfluous moments; they are owing to defect of memory. One of my first memories of awakening transpires from the time unmemorable. As far as I look into the abyss of my childhood I have known myself to. . .

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