f Notes from the Underground: Carpet Crumbs - Ants having a midnight snack
Custom Search

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Carpet Crumbs - Ants having a midnight snack

The bus had surely been once under the use of military, you could see the camouflage paint on some parts of it. Some parts of the bus were painted in horrible bright colours, that is over the camouflage you have yellow, red and orange. It looked like the bus was blown by some sort of an explosive and burned to its potential. It made no sense to park such a thing – flat tyres with burned rubber and ash black axle – in front of the kindergarten section of the school. Fred spent his first couple of years at that school for children of the military personnel (so did the author in a parallel universe). The memories of those years were like images recorded on a strip of damaged movie reel, and there was even a whole year (Fred’s first grade) missing from his memory.
Why am I even thinking about it now? To cover my guilt, maybe? Fred had promised himself that he will not take another one of those toxic opiates till Monday morning but it was only Saturday night and he had had three joints heavy with them. What can you expect of others when you don’t even keep the promises you make to yourself?
Helen and Stephanie were studying further, and so was Nancy and so were many other whores. Man would they turn out to be some real elite corp.; the illumanati. Everyone, more or less, it seemed had found their place in this world. It was only I, Fred thought, who stood on alien ground – I had lost my place in the world by going in search of it.
His father used to beat him even when he was old enough to beat him to death, but he never even looked with a scornful eye towards his father no matter how irrationally he behaved. Fred’s parents had a large collection of children, and like all parents they loved the lot of them. Oh! They loved their children alright. You look at the lives they had led, and you knew that they had done nothing but sacrifice all their lives – saving each penny for their children to use. Too much sacrifice, disappointments (without exception in every child) and old age was enough to spite them for what remained of their lives. They had sacrificed all their lives alright, they had loved their children alright – but parenting has more to it then just that, and it was not hard to prove that they had failed at being good parents. It was the same with all other parents belonging to their class; village folk worked hard to set foot in the city, established themselves honestly and reproduced without foresight. This class of people now lives somewhere in the lower echelon of middle-class; there are more then enough of them around.
Let’s be fair: it’s easier to contextualize events and the mistakes committed in the past once years have gone by. In hindsight, it’s easier to condemn our mistakes and foolishness – if we knew at the time what we know now we would’ve hardly made the same choices. The day Fred left Nancy, it’s irrelevant even if it was the other way around, it was evident that his life was going downhill for a while – you just don’t get romantically involved with a woman like Nancy and get on with it, after such an experience all roads lead downhill.
It was a bright sunny day in December of some year, probably the same year Hilary Clinton fought for presidential nomination or it was probably the year Senate elections were going on in Pakistan, whatever the year that bright sunny day in December was a good day to be fooling around with an internee on top of a skyscraper. A woman who has no scruples and considers charming a senior with her femininity is the kind of woman we need on that rooftop. Pink, I think the colour is called baby pink. She was wearing pink and I would say she conformed to the all the statistics of feminine attractiveness Fred learned through a documentary on National Geographic called ‘Naked Science’. But enough already about that sunny day in December over on the skyscraper, before Pink and Fred burn each other in the heat of stars only they can see.
Needless to say it was a nice day for Fred, and all around he felt that his life was finally getting back on track he desired. This was an alien feeling to him; to feel rather satisfied and content with the way things are going. Again, needless to say, the whole contentment thing was a fa├žade created by the sunny winter day and Pink didn’t help. On the contrary, she only added to the lure of life’s charm Fred desired. He wanted to share his feeling of joy and excitement, the cool breeze and the height of the rooftop had made him loose sense of third person perception. It had intoxicated him to the level that he could no longer observe himself, he was not cruelly conscious of himself as he generally was – a consciousness he considered a disease. For that moment he felt free, excited and human. Like a boy who was just handed over the toy he wanted. Then suddenly, his phone rang. It was a friend either Stephanie or Helen; caller’s good luck she found him in an uncharacteristically jovial.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i m thrilled by your series of 'crumbs' i was never fond of reading, but lately i have developed a thing for it when i started reading 'notes from the undrground'. i was looking for something abt this amazing book thats when i found your blog.
is there any way we could talk ? i regularly chek this page and i wait for ur writings....i would lik to know more abt u....as per my part... i m fatima...more abt me when we get to talk...
i ll wait...