f Notes from the Underground: crumbs of indigestion
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Monday, March 23, 2009

crumbs of indigestion

It was the first time Fred had been to a place like this, he couldn’t make any sense out of it. First of all what was this place and secondly what was he doing there? The sun had just started to make its way through the night sky, if you looked towards east you could see the darkness of night being shattered by early morning sun. It surely was a place on earth, and it certainly was no dream but just to be sure Fred first pinched his right forearm but then thought that everyone pinches the right forearm to ascertain reality and maybe this action is entrenched so deeply in his mind that he may very well be doing it in a dream. As a second test to establish reality Fred stood on one leg, right one, and started counting – 1-2-3-4-5- crash! He felt like he was falling from great height, his heart was racing, he was falling down fast and a grotesque death seemed certain. He was screaming so loud that he felt his lungs might burst out, his eyes were filled with water; he had never felt so scared in his life, of course not, because he had never been so close to death. Thrash!

Fred woke up with a stutter, not felt as much by the body than his mind, his heartbeat so loud he could hear it over the noise in the street below, his throat was so dry that he couldn’t breathe, he started coughing and felt his eyes bulging out of their sockets. Finally, the realization came that it was just a dream and he was in his room – the darkness of the night had long been shattered, in fact, sun was now giving way to the murky red of the evening. In another hour or two, the dark night will reign again. Fred was relaxed now, he turned with hopeful eyes towards the glass on bedside table; it still had some water definitely no less than two days old.

For past few days, even weeks, he hadn’t had any contact with either Helen or Stephanie. But the more time passed without hearing from them, the greater his thoughts wandered through the intimacies of times gone by. It’s nice to hear from someone you have spent some good time with, an unexpected call from a friend or an associate from the past rejuvenates your mind. Things were moving from bad to worse with each passing day. Fred’s indifference to his own destruction; playing onlooker who’s scratching his head, was causing him to wither at an even faster pace.

Having slept through the day Fred was now lying down thinking over things to do this night, and how would these things change his life forever. It was something Fred was really good at; his dreams while he was awake were a lot more coherent and most of the time he remembered them as well. He would make rounds on the roof, or lay on the bed with his back to the wall – it was while he was alone that he thought over each step of his life reaching one milestone at a time without taking any liberties that dreaming allowed him. He had planned his whole life to the most intricate details in so many ways that it was impossible to keep track. He had been a fighter jet pilot, and exceptional one through training and the backbone of air defense during war. He had been a star cricket player, saving many a matches for his country under extreme pressure. He had also lived a life of no-good rock star, getting old with each passing years but never growing up eventually succumbed to death by sex and drugs, but dying in the lap of his sunshine lover – messing with her long hair, kissing her warm lips… all for just one last time.

That’s how it was: imagination with no boundaries and unlimited choices. But even then Fred kept his planning as close to reality as possible, that is what made it so infectious to him; having no borders but still applying restrictions sometimes out of respect for someone at other times to give equal opportunity to other characters in his world. It’s a world with vastness beyond measure in this world’s realm, it’s easy to loose the thread or to miss the continuity – so don’t go on reading over and over again if you have.

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